I have been greatly perplexed lately at what I am observing within many of the websites, NING groups, message boards, etc. of the New Age/Lightworker/Eco-Conscious groups. There seems to be escalating dissension, dissatisfaction and in-fighting between members. This inner revolt recently came into glaring light with the dissolution of a website to which I paid a lifetime membership fee. Within two weeks, the site dissolved for multiple reasons. Unbelievable drama followed with mass email distributions to the members stating what was going on and why certain actions were taken to shut down the message boards, remove certain members as well as accusations of hacking and all sorts of upheaval. Bad behavior ensued from some of the frustrated members who were removed with language that would horrify the most hardened of truck drivers.
I am observing increasingly that there is almost a sense of desperation surfacing. People who have chosen a more personal, non-denominational, non-dogmatic approach to spirituality are actually beginning to appear a bit frightened. Yup, here I go again, I'm going to piss people off, but I think some Lightworkers are beginning to wonder if we have gotten something wrong. None of them would ever admit to this of course. To admit to self-doubt is to admit to fear (one of the only two emotions). It is like admitting to believing that no one has personal responsibility for their own lives and everything is just occurring randomly as happenstance of fate...total Lightworker treason! However, what else would explain why anyone within the Lightworker community would feel it is necessary to attack another person's beliefs, especially if they are riding the same spiritual rainbow? Why am I seeing all this clamoring for who has gotten it right? Who is bringing the most light? Which "channel" is the most pure? Whose model of consciousness and the invisible structure of the dimensions is correct?
It is becoming more apparent that people who claim to be of the light are not exactly acting that way. There appears to be a lot of clawing to the top to be the latest, greatest and most pure of light energies. However, in reality, there is just as much intolerance, criticism, elitism and self-righteousness within the Lightworker community as there is in any other. Similarly, there are equal amounts of brotherly love, charity, activism and support as you would see within any other religious group or affiliation, which few Lightworkers would want to admit. This has caused me to wonder why there are so many things happening within the Lightworker community that stand in direct opposition to what we all stand for. Didn't we embrace this path because we felt it was a higher calling, a better way to be in the world, a more accepting, fulfilling and altruistic means of spiritual expression? Somehow, our dear community is starting to devolve into a bizarre episode of Real Housewives or the Jersey Shore with back-biting, in-fighting, name calling and internet based bullying amongst various "camps".
This not only affects the big ideas, but the way in which we publicly represent the "self" within the framework of the Lightworker's belief set. I see so many Lightworkers trying so hard to never show vulnerability or admit that they didn't control, orchestrate and manifest every single vibrating molecule and emotion within their lives. I see over and over again people quoting themselves and staking claims that they have somehow acquired mastery over every aspect of their existence. Why is there so much fear in admitting we're not perfect, we're not always deliriously happy and that indeed discomforts don't roll off of us like water off a duck's ass? I see Lightworkers in group settings editing themselves and what they say so they never appear as if they don't "get it". Isn't this equally buying into a form of self-created delusion? The delusion being that we are indeed vulnerable and still subject to getting pissed off when someone plucks your last nerve, or that we actually do have "problems" in our lives and it isn't all rosy and cheeky and squishy with happiness. If I see one more person on the "path" make a broad stroke declaration of their mastery, when I know that they are equally struggling with remaining happy all the time (yes, it is an effort sometimes), I'm going to hurl hypocrisy filled puke all over their affirmations! Or, better yet, I'm gonna go all Jersey Shore on them!
Can't we all just admit it? We still have questions. We still wonder if there is something we're missing. We still want everyone to agree with our own opinions. We still want people to like us, and it does matter what others think and say because words can still hurt! We are still so very vested in this illusion that we have to make sweeping declarations of mastery to cover over our terror that people may actually view us as the same as anyone else - flawed, imperfect, struggling, challenged, frustrated, uninformed, wrong. We don't want to admit these things though, because the light-filled path was supposed to be the ultimate direct connection with God that would allow us to live in a state of bliss while still tethered to the physical plane. And if this doesn't work, where do we go from here? Where will we find the ultimate "right" answer?
Perhaps the first step in resolving these conflicts is to opening and honestly admit that we might just be wrong.
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